Understanding your toddlers behaviour

The way children behave is usually their way of trying to tell us something. Want to find out more?

All behaviour is communication. When a child is happy, excited, sad or angry then they respond by changing their behaviour – they are communicating how they feel. Children are learning how to understand and manage their emotions and a toddler having a tantrum because they are frustrated, confused or frightened about something needs their parent to help them make sense of their feelings and thoughts.

These emotional outbursts are completely normal and are a signal to adults that they are overwhelmed or distressed by something or need something from an adult. The tantrum is a way of communicating that they need help and how adults react to a toddlers tantrum is important to help them with this process. They need to know that it is ok to express feelings and that they will get help to cope with their feelings.

A toddler needs their parent or carer to respond to their emotion and not their behaviour. At the time of a tantrum their brains will feel overwhelmed and their ability to listen, to understand facts or take in information will be poor. So, things that you can try are:

• Try to stay calm and talk in a calm and soothing tone
• Use words that help your toddler to recognise the feeling that they might be experiencing and explain that feeling For example, “I know you want to carry on playing with your toys. It is hard when you it’s time to put them away so that we can have dinner”
• Stay with them and keep talking to them. If they will allow you to, cuddle them or give then a hug, this can help them calm themselves
• Try to distract them – show them something different, this can interrupt their upset feelings and focus their attention on something different.

Sometimes children can act out to try and get their own way. Parents and carers can often tell the difference between genuine distress and their children demanding something. For example, a child having a tantrum in a shop by the sweet isle because they want a chocolate bar. In these instances you can try the following

• Ignore them, when they do not have an audience they might calm down
• Try to calmly explain why they can’t have or do something – children prefer routine and consistency rather than the unpredictability of getting their own way.
• Try distraction to move your child onto something else. These strategies can be tricky when a child has pushed our own emotional buttons however trying to stay calm is important.

Further Support:

• Health for Under 5s – Toddlers
• Walsall online parenting programmes
• Contact the Health Visiting Single Point of Access to book on to a work shop about understanding children’s behaviour. Text us on 07520 634909 to book a place.