Tips to deal with specific toileting problems

Start by encouraging your child to sit on the toilet fully clothed with the lid down to help them see that the toilet is a safe place to be. Encourage them to sit for brief periods to start off with, giving lots of praise and encouragement. Once they’re accepting of this, repeat with the lid up, progressing to taking off trousers and eventually removing pants. Don’t worry if they don’t actually do a poo – just getting them to feel happy sitting on the toilet is a great start.

If they’re still in nappies, start by loosening the tabs first, before progressing to removing the nappy. Letting the nappy lie in the toilet bowl can help (remembering to remove it before flushing), as can putting toilet paper in the bowl first to fill the space and reduce any splash.

If your child’s going to feel ok about using the toilet, they need to be comfortable, so provide a step or stool to help them get onto the toilet. Have a reading book or toy which is always to hand for them to play with when they are sitting on the toilet. Some children benefit from having something weighted on their laps when sitting on the toilet, such as a hot water bottle or folded blanket.

Some children may previously have experienced pain when doing a poo, and so they now try hard to keep it in. They may also feel anxious about letting it go. Reassure them that it’s ok to poo. You can also try getting them to blow bubbles through a straw at the same time as this engages the correct muscles needed to do a poo.

Try to identify the signs your child gives when they’re going to do a poo so that you know when you need to encourage them to go to the toilet. If they’re reluctant to go, it can help for them to stand on a carpet square which you can gradually move closer to the toilet. A chair also works well if they like something to hold on to.

If your child will only wee or poo in a nappy, try and work out when and where they’re likely to do this, and only put a nappy on at this point. When they’ve finished, remove the nappy in the bathroom area so they start to understand that this is where they should be going.

Look out for the tell-tale signs that your child wants to, is doing or has done a wee or poo. For example, they may stop what they’re doing, change their facial expression, or become agitated or upset. If they’re wearing a nappy, try putting pants on underneath the nappy for a day to see if they recognise when they have done a wee or poo. Nappies are designed to keep children dry, so they often won’t know when they’ve done a wee unless they feel some discomfort.

Using pictures, stories or ‘now and next’ cards can also help.

You can prevent your child getting to their poo by dressing them in an all in one suit, putting a ‘onesie’ on back to front or using a belt. If the child successfully stops smearing, they may replace this behaviour with another, so seek advice from your health visiting team.

Constipation can not only be very uncomfortable, but can also affect behaviour, sleep patterns, and eating and drinking. If you think your child may be constipated contact your health visiting team or GP for advice and help.

Public toilets or toilets in unfamiliar surroundings can cause anxiety and changes in behaviour for some children. Help your child by visiting public toilets more often so they start to get used to this different environment. You can get a radar key (a special key which opens more than 9,000 disabled toilets in the UK) online or from the local authority.